I may be losing my mind:
Why I thought: "Hey, I can draw ok, I can pick up on simple code pretty well, I like to tell stories from role playing perspectives anyway, I can totally make a fun visual novel - brush on my skills, make my life sound a bit more awesome, maybe get the thing on peoples phones, this'll be easy!"
As it turns out (and wow am I naive or offensive or both) writing is hard! Drawing is.. as it's always been, so there's nothing of strict note there, aside from that while it should have been the quickest coming element to this is comically the furthest behind. Coding, on the other hand, I have found bizarrely therapeutic (even as I'm sure the term 'coding' illustrates my proficiency perfectly).
I've been using Gideros to try and make an IOS port first and foremost for Ebon Light. Gideros uses a language called Lua and between Gideros and Lua making up a visual novel system came relatively smooth. Relatively. Kind of. Visual novels on IOS have become more and more popular since I started with this idea, which is encouraging and a little frightening. I feel like I really should have had this project done a year and a half ago, which aside from pure efficiency would have allowed it to stand out a bit among the sea of IOS apps (assuming with great optimism all went well on that end) whereas now I've lost any novelty advantage. That said, that this medium at all is making it to apps, becoming a bit more polished and appreciated is awesome. I love video games, man, and I don't know that even I would call a visual novel a 'game' - but if it is, the good ones, you know, the good ones, I could play them about as much as an RPG. RPGs being, of course, the end all of video game happiness for me.
So, in the past few months Gideros went open source before releasing it's PC port and where the community will take the project is in the air. It seems like writing a PC port in Ren'Py will be the way to go. Ren'py scared me at first - I was afraid I would be limited to the confines of a hobbyist program with limited capability, potential, and perhaps even a certain stigma, but with a bit of research that's ceased being a concern. It is entirely possible to make a polished, artistically rich, carefully constructed story with Ren'Py - it is a tool like any other, and what one chooses to do with it...
At any rate, though the past few months were slow going I've got pieces coming together now. Though this is not the walk in the park I had in my head initially, finally getting this sucker done, if it's even a fraction as interesting to play through as I hope, will be pretty awesome.
About the project:
Checking out the gamedev tumblr blog would probably make things a bit easier to grasp, but I've bee working on for what seems like ages now a visual novel based in a fantasy setting. You play as a female protagonist and maneuver a merciless dark society as the intrigue and danger threaten your life and those around you. You can choose to utilize a power given you by chance and become a hero, tyrant, or merely try to stay alive. Carefully, you must decide who and what to ally yourself with to further your goals, and perhaps in all the chaos you will find deep friendships or even love.
And other art stuff:
OTHER THAN THAT, not being properly employed gives me all this free time to devote to this project and ~beyond~! I'm attempting to buckle down and take advantage of all this, clean up all these art files I've had for years and years now that I've finally learned how to discipline myself. It's strange that I can be as old as I am and with all my introspection and find these little, obvious lessons so difficult to grasp:
Things don't have to be perfect, because they can't be.
Don't feed the anxiety behind wanting to change something you can't.
Moving forward sometimes just looks like accepting what is and turning a new page. I mean, duh, right? But yeah, no, took me about 27 years for that one.
So in that regard I've been attempting to take all of these old pictures that seemed lost in this weird, dark black hole merry-go-round of never being quite done and perpetually being refit and attempting to just... finish them. Lock them away. Throw away the key. Move on! This shameful trail behind me of all my mistakes where I don't measure up - what even is that? That's... life! Seriously! .. SERIOUSLY! So, I'm done. I've got a mission, these goals, this feeling for once that I can abandon expectation and just accomplish this silly little simple thing, and that feels good.
So I'll leave this journal with an art quote that's helped me perhaps immeasurably with my art!perspective:
"Art is never finished, only abandoned." - Paul Valery